an imaginative look a palaeolithic life

Night at the Museum

I saw night at the museum on DVD.  I like the concept, although I think that the way they depicted the neanderthals in it was a bit stereotypical and outdated.  Here are my issues:

1. They spoke in grunts, not actual language.

2. They moved like apes and didn’t appear to be fully bipedal.

3. Their craniums were too dome shaped.  Granted that they were played by Homo sapiens actors, but if they can make Voldemort have no nose, they can make a Homo sapiens cranium less dome shaped (although that probably depends on the film’s budget).

4. They were obsessed with trying to start fires and were not able to control fire.

5. WTF was that about eating the foam from the fire extinguisher….?

6. There weren’t any female ones.

Here’s how I would have done the neanderthals in a “museum exhibits come to life at night” kind of a scenario:

1. They would speak to each other in a language no-one else can understand and act like they’re not certain about the intellectual capacity of the other human exhibits in the museum, in light of their odd clothes, bizarre behaviour and their total inability to make a basic stone tool.

2. They would be constantly planning and trying to hunt the woolly mammoth that wanders around the museum periodically… and I’d have other pleistocene fauna that they’d also be trying to hunt, and the night watchman would have to do his best to protect these animals from being hunted…. and maybe the neanderthals could successfully catch one of them, leading to him trying to explain the next day to the museum manager how the stuffed bison ended up with a neanderthal spear jammed in its ribcage.

3. There would be female neanderthals as well.  And they would on occasion get pregnant and have babies, which would be an interesting thing to try to explain to museum visitors… and maybe they could ransack the museum cafe in search of food while the neanderthal men are trying to catch the mammoth…

4. Interbreeding between neanderthals and other human exhibits in the museum is another potential area for plot development that could be explored, e.g. explaining why one of the neanderthal babies looks like one of the other human exhibits in the museum…

5. At the end when they’re outside the museum doing all the rescue/daring stuff in the snow, the neanderthals’ tracking and hunting skills could come in useful.  The main character night watchman dude would have to find a way to communicate with them prior to the end of the film, in order that he can explain to them what’s going on and use their skills to help everyone.

Maybe I should just write films myself…

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One response

  1. persnicketythecat

    Love your posts! So interesting! I write a bit about the paleolithic too! I like studying behavioral modernity!
    https://historyisfascinating.wordpress.com/

    May 21, 2017 at 15:46

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